The Best Part of the Day
Ask Josh Withers about the ceremony he remembers most, and he returns to the Joshua Tree desert. A young couple had invited him to fly from Australia for their elopement. There was the couple, their pup and Josh. “It was just so beautiful to share on such a deep moment of intimacy.” For a celebrant whose work has taken him to more than twenty-three countries, it is a small gathering that comes to mind.
That attention to the couple began almost twenty years ago, at a family wedding. Until then, Josh had mostly known church weddings; here was a civil celebrant who seemed, to him, simply to be doing a job. “There was no heart in it, no feeling, and honestly, that broke my heart a little.” He left wanting to do things differently. He believed the ceremony could be the best part of the wedding, and wanted to become someone who cared that these particular people were marrying.
He studied celebrancy alongside training to become a Pentecostal minister, then decided that becoming a celebrant mattered more to him. He completed the course and became a celebrant in May 2009. Seventeen years and about three thousand couples later, he still describes the work in terms of the marriage being made, rather than a ceremony to be repeated. “I’m here to create a moment for them to create their one and only unique marriage.”
His preference is for natural, normal language. Fancy wedding language, he says, can leave people wondering how to behave. He wants couples to work out what matters to them and their families, and put their time and resources there. Alongside seventeen years of celebrancy, he brings twenty-five years of public speaking and broadcasting experience. Confidence matters to him, as does humility about what he is there to do.
Sometimes that means changing the mood without losing its pleasure. At Robert and Cloe’s surprise wedding, guests thought they were attending a thirtieth birthday party. The bride arrived in a wedding dress, turning the surprise back on them. Josh’s task was to bring that birthday-party energy into an intimate ceremony while keeping it upbeat. He is proud of the balance he found, and remembers how much the guests enjoyed it.
For another couple, the idea of a big wedding was frightening enough that they had considered simply marrying at the courthouse. Talking through what mattered in their relationship led them to choose an elopement. Josh describes that choice as a calm, positive way for them to marry. The important detail is whose idea of a wedding they were following.
It is this variety that he enjoys about the industry: everyone arrives with a different sense of what a wedding ought to be. Professionals and venues do not always fit together like Lego, as he puts it; making them work together calls for flexibility, compromise and integrity. His advice to couples is practical. Be intentional about the guest list, choose the people and services that suit the wedding you want, and communicate your expectations clearly. Spending more is not the point, though he cautions that cutting costs on experience can bring its own difficulties.
There is room in that outlook for a surprise party and for an elopement with a dog. After seventeen years, Josh still seems most interested in the differences. “It’s been an amazingly wild and beautiful ride.”
Find him at marriedbyjosh.com.
Portrait: Ivory and Rose